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Daniel Tome's avatar

Great translation and insightful comments.

The ambiguous subjects in this poem (the "we" and "I" could also read "you" and "they") pose a challenge to the translator, but it's interesting to see which interpretation the translator favors. I like your use of "one" to preserve the ambiguity, but I was curious which figure you'd associate with Baoyu or Daiyu, the moon's reflection or the flower's.

I think a key concept in this poem is 緣, which you've already explained in previous posts. The idea that romantic relationships are predestined. Many (most?) Chinese people still believe in it. It's hinted at in Baoyu's first remark to Daiyu: “这个妹妹我曾见过的”, which probably wouldn't work in the West.

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Daniel Tome's avatar

One small question, if may: did you consider translating "一個是水中月,一個是鏡中花" ("One is the moon reflected in the water, / The other is a flower reflected in the mirror.") without adding "reflected"?

Hawkes and the Yangs also used "reflected", but Bonsall (who tends to favor literalness) didn't, translating it as:

"One is the moon in the water.

One is the flower in the mirror."

I understand that "reflected" clarifies the mataphor and is more idiomatic in English, but I worry it also (subtly) shifts the focus from illusion to object. Then again, it also helps signal the illusory nature to Western readers. Just wondering if this was something you struggled with. Thanks!

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